Views expressed to "the public at large” and "of public concern"
Happy Spring 2022
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I am here to convert difficult feelings into genuine compassion for myself and others.
Am I ready? Are you? Are we open to it?
If you hesitated, that is okay. That is expected.
Our human experience doesn’t necessarily promote this style. Our society usually promotes becoming stagnant there.
We have been taught that revenge is the way or that when you’ve been wronged that you shouldn’t trust others the same way again.
I know all about this and how it can make it the fastest way to becoming cold-hearted and closed off to one's natural Divine right to love and abundance.
In this time in life, I am quite overwhelmed by what God is calling upon me and others to do-
I am being called on to love and protect with much compassion and I told S.B. last night the old me would be like digging hard core as to why this one woman keeps coring and being shelved as one of the possible causal factors as to how June 30, 2013, unfolded where I almost died by 11 minutes, but 19 men did die. There are actually more than testimonies and people sharing that I can provide documentation to possibly support her statements she shared over time.
The only pondering question I have is why did you "unspoken name" ______ share "back channel" and not publicly for the Public at Large so that we can have more come forward to fill in the "swiss cheese" / puzzle pieces to the Yarnell Hill Fire 2013?
It is important you share what some of us have known.
I firmly have Faith if you did, more would possibly come forward which is needed for preserving facts versus fiction narratives currently out there.
It is your tragic story so you who should be the one to share it public.
If you have been sealed to speak public on it - may I share it with using "____" as your name and tell the story for you? It matters.
We should be doing our best to avoid the "just because you feel a certain way" - we all should be saying "understood" and be okay with you have a "survivorship guilt", but please let us look to see where and how we can make sure your story is shown in the best documented way possible.
Your story is hard, yet it matters.
The way it has been presented is still to this day very hard for me to swallow and we need to discuss this really you and me but I saw Friday by my body --- it will take me time to process this all.
I was standing there before you on Friday night March 25th, 2022, ready to share with you the documents and information and instead I saw my body react and the first sign was my hands tremoring persistently ...
I noticed it when I went to get a drink of water and I could not hold the glass:
I than felt so many layers happening before me. I was feeling the room deeply not just the ladies before me. I felt stuff off the men too. I felt the layers this room had to face of "abuse" over the decades and the internal journeys, they carry it on.
When I heard Brian Anderson speak about Mental Health, Saturday March 26th, 2022, I absorbed it like a sponge the many stories untold in just that one room. I know so many feel to do what you do in the fire fighting protection / suppression world... it will more than likely require seeing "abuse" in some way or fashion and you just simply have to accept it because since the beginning of time or Mann Gulch Fire--- it for sure has happened .... abuse and omissions and lies and defamation.
To be in the light, you have to accept others will possibly
talk "crazy" about you, people disrespecting you, demoted, forced out, people making lies to end your career or make you look bad or weak or foolish, people lie and defame you over and over, and one has to smile and just accept it is how I have seen it and that's okay they think.
Well, it is not okay ... especially if you are one of us who seen the betrayals.
God is watching.
I felt I was in "check mate" mode in 2022 as to why I almost died June 30, 2013, but De.Wa. said recently that 'be careful, that's when the Devil comes for ya ...' ----
I surrender this pride I have had for months now but man it has been one heck of a journey watching others do some downright ugly manners my way and to others.
I want to represent "love, caring and empathy" for T R U T H S. It is about shining the light on the dark areas. We are all one. When I am down, others help me. When others are down, I help. That is the people I interact with. We are placed on this Earth to serve.
I recently heard from two people in the past week (one is one of the loved ones not from AZ and the other was from my High School years) and they both said that men and women are unable to "just be friends" - I am living proof we can be ... I am publicly stating I have zero interest in anyone in any fashion that way [married, duh] but I am here to bring the dark to the light and any time I seen social moments are a rarity in my life.
The T R U T H S are my focus.
I will tell you this much. I very much appreciate what God showed me in 2021. I have very limited times outside fire anymore.
"Live and let live"
USHA Treasurer, Brian Tai, asked me my takeaway from this Saturday USHA meeting, and I publicly stated it was humanizing public records of thousands of hours of reading emails/documents/texts of Jim Cook and others to now seeing him speak on the panel. I needed that. "Human Factors". What you place out in technology, just note any civilian can read it all with a Public Record or FOIA submitted request so be cautioned what you think you are placing out to others when you write those messages.
It was one of the hardest moments in the aftermath of the Yarnell Hill Fire 2013 was reading the texts. I think people think their personal or professional cells are exempt from view, yet I can tell you that is far from factual and if your personal cell is tied to "fire"--- I and others can read it and you will never know we have it. Remember that next time you are texting / emailing on a fire.
It was hard to read what certain GMHS loved ones were writing about my blog partner or myself over the years and still, to remain in the light we do. Harsh stuff was being done "back channel" in regard to us and all we want to do is place documents forward to the Public at Large so one can make their own assessment.
My goal is to teach unofficially Wildland Fire S130 Firefighter Training course - S190 Introduction to Wildland Fire Behavior - L-180, Human Factors on the Fireline to ages 3-13 years old and I am working on a PowerPoint to do just that. Kids are my everything and the elders.
We all perceive differently so I am never going to make you think you have to know it all or delve into fully.
You take away what God wants you to take away from it.
However, if you are one of the people who rather hold on to the omissions /refusing to admit regarding the truths the Yarnell Hill Fire 2013, that is between you and God.
I firmly suggest we sit in person right now and discuss how to tell your story especially that woman I met for the first-time last Friday. I wish I could have shared more yet my body was reacting hard to the moment.
For the folks who quietly / secretly came up to me the past few weeks ---- thank you. Your stories matter. We will get there and make sure your facts are told best way we can. I understand.
Let me get this Yarnell Fire 2013 out more in the public's eyes so those kids know someone cared enough to get the documented facts to the front,
Thank you to even comments made like this to us here on the blog:
Here was my past week:
March 23, 2022, we were at the Yarnell land doing the gate and fencing:
Me on the Bobcat:
Getting the place ready to go ...
Max, Gordi, Scott and Fred:
landowners: Scottie Briggs and Fred J. Schoeffler
Sorry, but I have to say this room was not worth $314 for one night--what the heck between gas prices and food---??? ---weird to see high room rates---stayed in same place and paid $129 before:
Off to Santa Clarita, CA ... for the USHA Conference / Loop Staff / Site Ride / Meeting - New President - Randy Skelton
I may have to re-measure even though I did it last week but my gosh---I never in my life had to move the slide and be at the end to click the airplane belt---ugh---this edema crap is too much. I am going to do my best to go from 5 miles a day and do more walking---this is a joke. see:
Fred's friends shared these portable necklace items and I think some stared at them like they were "go pro" - body cams so let me explain the devices, see:
We could have any exotic car---we took the Q3 over a Porsche - Lamborghini -etc ...
I am feeling very fatigued here upon arrival:
I could not find my hair ties so I googled how to put your hair up without tools:
what I tried to copy to the left.
and what I achieved:
Raffle items:
Remember a few weeks ago I did this:
It was based on this girl and her bad ass look:
I ended up meeting her at the conference---Maria Mulholland:
My first time in a crew buggy --- we took it to the Loop Fire area.
the moment I got in vehicle after being in sun---the lymphatic areas just oozed liquids --- it hurt alot
my eyes hurt too:
hours later the center between brows swelled up and busted open and oozed the hot liquids---it hurt bad:
you can see it affected my eyes---very hazy water burn feel to them. I really was into documenting this conference so later when better I could review it again.
Erika Chamberlain and Rax's wife Joann Larsen were my highlights to this conference and the Gil the dozer guy. I will not go to folks about Yarnell Fire 2013, but it is "shocking" when there is Fred J. Schoeffler sharing on topic and there you have me there in person but very rare someone comes to me "publicly" and ask me questions - it is usually in a bathroom, stairs, elevator, hikes, after via technology. I was puzzled by the Route Fire speaker saying they did everything right to some that were rookies - first season and or first fire --- I disagree. I felt throughout the presentation he could have focused to "Situational Awareness" and walked through the "10 and 18" and LCES and how and where it lacked for him on that fire --- I am a huge advocate to "own up" and then move on...
For being a "USHA Lifetime Member" we received a belt buckle:
