JOY A COLLURA

Aug 10

"Mama" - Paternal Side

August 10, 2024 Noon:

Thank God those nearby

fires are out finally...

Summer 2024, the wildland fires

were really a not needed moment

to my community.

but now the proper politicians know more ...

maybe next Summer 2025 they can rethink

their methods on Wildland Fires

because I am fair, firm and bold

to place out the public documents...

but now back to my journaling ...

for a family member on genealogy...

it will be placed to "PUBLISH"

and I will just keep adding to it

until I place at bottom of page

"Completed"

(with the date/time).

It is nice to get back to doing this

journaling of my roots

vs

trail and document fires

that do not usually happen to my community

but once I saw "how"

Chief Suitor retired this year...

I was prepared to "watch"

(be on alert)

especially when there

is a loaner off road

Fire Vehicle

at the local fire department.

Praying he gets a proper

farewell retirement party-

and they work on his retirement correctly...

"Mama":

She loved her family

in a way

that if you were in that

"five-mile to ten-mile" radius-

you were for sure

"family"

Once I became an adult

I attempted to visit ...

riding my bicycle

from Chandler, AZ to Metro area

appx. 33 miles one way many times...

to just be told

your father is asleep

on set appointed dates

to see him

and she never seemed interested

to let me in to wait for him to wake up, but I would hear

other family members

tell me

how I did not want to be a part to the family---

untrue.

I did not want to spend my early adult life still doing

what I just did the first 18 years...

I was blocked to see my own father

based on I had poor communication skills

(seasonal) was told to me.

as I became an adult,

I was more focused to school, work, hikes

and the person I am still with and our pets.

saving funds at that point in my life to own my own home was my focus- and getting some dishes vs. hand me downs:

I own my area of flaws,

but they never did on their end...

We made a plan to see another-

my father and me

I would show up-

My grandma would say he was asleep-

I never minded it too much

because it meant I got to

the Chuck Box in Tempe sooner

for a burger and onion rings

on the way home.

It got old being denied, so I stopped.

I felt like I just spent a long time with them

"growing up"

and

I wanted to explore

and

be adventurous

away from them.

Be around new people.

They knew where I lived and never visited...

I think we met up once...so once vs. never...around my bridal shower...

but that was at my maid of honor's home.

It was as if I didn't make the effort their way-

it was not returned.

I saw no give and take...

I am a give and take gal...

I mean how many card games, chess, backgammon,

Yahtzee, Scrabble can I play...???

that was their life moments activity joys, not mine-

just did it because I lived there...church...family dinners...

or how many dance and stunt cheer routines can I do

in their backyard and in front of family members with my cousin

???

That was a long way to ride my bike to be turned away.

those folks that she talked about me to ---

they learned a "version" and "projection(s)" of hers

vs.

pure reality.

I heard from people who knew her externally

and family-

she just had this amazing vibrant charismatic way about her

and her baby blue eyes

that I perceived

as "controlling" / "manipulative"...

most never saw her that way.

My perception.

We all perceive differently...

You know what, I met a lot of folks along the way in my life ... but I have to say what I feel in my heart ... the moment "____" had me plopped in front of his mother and I listened to his mother ... when I looked into her shining sparkling blue eyes - it just reminded me of my father's mom.

Every day since I left there ...

I pray for them both because I do not have my grandma anymore.

{a gentle tear rolled down my supposed hardened cold face

that night in his indoor jacuzzi as he was on the patio doing whatever he does-

that tear just washed away all the hard times...that tear allowed me to

let go of something I can never change, and I am forever grateful for that.}

I pray "____" sees that is just how they are ...

We have to learn to accept life

in love-

God's Love-

no matter where we plant ourselves...

We need to experience life with a God servant-loving heart.

That phase to my life

with my grandma

helped me handle areas on the aftermath of the YHF13'

She taught me many "life" tools

as well, as that moment at "___"'s -

the tour,

the dinner,

the chance to experience life; spontaneously.

I am grateful.

I still use the tools today.

I actually learned a lot from her

and

"___".

She would be one of the main factors why in my adult life

along with other female family members that I choose to refrain from

knowing and having minimal female relationships-

and will always keeping that to a minimal.

I do my best to avoid drama-

or gossipers

or people who fail to recognize when one is ill that

one does not need to be a part of another's' interventions.

I am always straight up since I was a tater "tot".

I always been focused to just my immediate family.

(my father is in photo to the left)

"Mama"...

my grandmother...

paternal side:

My paternal

great grandparents:

All I know is my great grandma loved "Days of Our Lives" tv show and Bingo Halls.

Nothing further that I know of her.

My great grandpa taught me many life tools

and one major one was to chew your food slow-

-he also taught me that a man should walk a lady where the man faces the street and the lady on the inside and daily walks are important. I walk daily based on his teachings by example.

My paternal

grandparents:

Papa & Mama

and my pops (as a teen): Staten Island:

I junk journal some additional images here:

Congress Photo Album (yarnellhillfirerevelations.com )

Congress Photo Album- 2 (yarnellhillfirerevelations.com )

My paternal Grandma's siblings:

My grandmother, her brother Ben, her mother Lillas, her sister Katie (Catherine), and her sister Arlene:

my grand aunt: Catherine May- I knew her minimal in the 80's...I did learn the elaborate Victorian High Teatime and homemade pies from her. Good happy Christian lady. I remember as a kid playing with her doll house with my cousin, Tammy.

had four daughters and a son.

2. my grand aunt: Arlene- I knew her minimal in the 80's- I always felt she represented the ideal "New Yorker" when I think of "New York"- she left NY but always been what I think of as a "New Yorker". She was cordial to me but never had any connect in my adult life to her. I did swim at her home many times in the summer months between age 9-12. Never knew them after I moved to Jersey- and came back to Arizona.

Last seen them at my father (2015) and grandma's funerals (2021).

they had three girls and one son---

3. my grand uncle: Benjamin

they had two girls and a son.

July 7, 1902

I doubt this is tied to my great grandma- placed it here to ask family---

great grandma's siblings:

Frank was born in 1896 in USA, his father, Frank, was 28 and his mother, Katherine, was 24. He married Lucilia in Richmond, New York, on April 2, 1926, and they had 5 children together. He died on April 17, 1985, in Kansas at the age of 89, and was buried in Cottonwood Falls, Kansas. He served in the military on October 25, 1918, in Stapleton, New York, when he was 22 years old.