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  • Writer's pictureJOY A COLLURA

Joy A. Collura's Journal- Winter 2023 Recap - Part 4-

1-30- to 2-6-23, there was a deletion of this post and there is no way to get it back--- this is what WIX stated:

Feb 10, 2023 3:33pm: There was zero "other" open tabs

2-4-23--- whomever is illegally "shadowing" in my system with solid professional expensive security system on my technology- all I have to say is... God is watching.

I will do my best to rebuild ten hours of typing / posting last week's journal from when I spent last Saturday building it and it vanished and even the restore history vanished...or not :)

but I also am awaiting to be admitted to the hospital and that takes priority.

I had a pretty rough seizure and almost 4 foot fall off a boulder on my hike near the rock wall 2-3-23 late morning into midday---lots of rest 2-3-23 through today 2-10-23.

I am also on a sleep study regimen not yet finished ... latest is a CPT® code 95811 (Polysomnography; sleep staging with 4 or more additional parameters of sleep, with initiation of continuous positive airway pressure therapy or bi-level ventilation, attended by a technologist) should be used for polysomnography with CPAP.

Someone asked me to explain ya go...copy/paste Google search....

Sleep Studies and Polysomnography (PSG) refers to the continuous and simultaneous monitoring and recording of various physiological and pathophysiological parameters of sleep furnished in a sleep laboratory facility that includes physician review, interpretation and report. A technologist is physically present to supervise the recording during sleep time and has the ability to intervene, if needed. The studies are performed to diagnose a variety of sleep disorders and to evaluate a patient’s response to therapies such as continuous positive airway pressure (CPAP). PSG is distinguished from sleep studies by the inclusion of sleep staging.

Here is what WIX said:

January 30, 2023-February 6, 2023

nothing yet planned with AZSAL---

Up on the mountains, I experienced much "downloads" this week in getting information on YHF13' not just from locals but from the animals and where to locate the data.

That mountain lion you saw on a recent post- I was saddened to hear who took its life and another person took another lion's life...the wildlife here are a huge part of my life and trail history. It hurts me when I see this.

We all matter.

I would reflect back to why your dog died or your calf- are you doing all you can to make those animals be desert-wise safe ---

I would need more data from "rumored" "J" and "L" before I make any further public comment/analysis on the matter, but I have a bond with the very animals that were just killed so bear with me if I feel differently

because I think we have a new breed of hunters to our Congress desert as I see folks come here and new kinds of land managers as well --- hunt and drape the remains on our desert fences---

it is sad.


Let me do my best to do it in chronological order the past 2 weeks so bear with me as I jotted notes as it took place for me this week to properly time stamp it. (run on sentence, Ms Goetz- oops - did I do that??? hee hee ) or if I come back at another later weekend and fill in more information since it all deleted and I am on limited time this weekend to sit down and do this...

18.8 mi | 180 Little Neck Road, Centerport, NY | Website

Listed on the National Register of Historic Places, William K. Vanderbilt II’s former summer home was designed and built by Warren & Wetmore, the partners who designed and built the Grand Central Terminal in New York City. This mansion offers an intimate look at the life of a privileged family from the Jazz Age through World War II, with rooms filled with priceless art, furnishings, and personal possessions.

Dream state: That dogman from weeks ago in my dreams who said he was 'Anubis' keeps showing me this mansion (above- Eagles Nest)...I have zero clue, its meaning --- just that it is in Glen Cove, NY

and I have zero intentions to be outside of Congress, Arizona except for medical or shopping in 2023 and except two fire related areas and so what does it have to do with me--- but maybe someone reading this it has to do with--- anyone from Glen Cove, NY reading this post?

Anyways, this dogman shares that there is a person who is thinking of me is tired and drained and wishes at times they can just vanish from their lifestyle/calendar of life doings and tell me something in person away from technology.

I ask the dogmen quietly does it have to do with my personal life or this YHF13' and its aftermath? Male or female?

Both to both questions. Because of the fire and its aftermath, it positioned this/these person(s) to be unable to know me anytime soon because of their position currently in their life/lives. This person(s) was scorned / setup from YHF13' both personally and professionally.


2-4-23 9:02am: I awoke remembering that GLEN COVE NY showed up on my analytics back in 2022 so I searched---here is what I saw:

I am not going to expose the name here publicly, but did you have anything to do with my DREAM STATE earlier this week? I have been dreaming of an Egyptian origin dogmen and you seem to origin from Egyptian background as well ??? I find that interesting.

Wego Chemical & Mineral Corporation


date of my dream state notes:

2-4-23 6:07pm, this post vanished due to a gnat hitting the "touch(y)" screen so I had to rebuild and piece it back again because even though I saw it saving through the day the history showed like such with no saves through the day even though I saw it so I lost 8 out of 10 hours of typing time so let me retry this all again, see history shows nothing saved (ugh):


Nothing yet confirmed for AZSAL just trying to get a date that fits with mine and their schedule.


Someone speaks to me in "dream state" and tells me this:

Why do I want you in my life when I know you are happily married?

Why would I deserve a woman like you in my life anyways when I usually attract people around me that want something from me, but they are not inside my head and heart like you, why? I could never tell you all this because the people around me told me to stay away from you.

No one understands me like you.

I was wishing you forgave me Joy. I know you did but it is weird you cut me off all together. I understand why now. You do not want people in your life who are not all in. No more in and out folks for you. I get it.

I am trying to be as strong as you.

Your tough as nails.

I would like to express myself...but I don't want to see you with all my bullshit. You have a way to see things even if I don't say a thing.

I want to meet you in person to share that you are helping me - you give me "clarification" ---- confirmation. I am weak to do all the bold stuff you have done. I am the one who should speak up, you are right. Sorry, I speak to my counselor though if that helps you. I do my best to help others in life. I know you are seeking others to tell the truth ... my truth and then I can really help but I just am unable to.

You made a difference in my life and you don't even know it.

I want an equal give and take with you but how when the people around me are toxic and I said some bad shit about you. Or others said bad shit and I was there and did not defend you.

I feel my family crumbling and I blamed you when I know it was me. You were right what you told me and I did not want to believe it.

You are courageous Joy.

I want a fresh start and I want to be happy with you in my life. Share to me what it will take to have that happen.

I feel I walked away from you, Joy.

I juggled wrong in my life and I am sorry because you didn't deserve it.

I listened to Mike G. about you and he never met you but I went with that - sorry, I know now and is it too late.

Obstacles were professional and personal.

I caused imbalance with my improper way of communicating.

10 10...I wish I can speak to you Joy with vulnerability to explain...I am healing and you are the only one who would understand me. I saw it in your eyes you were pure but I told myself you were dark and untrue with the audience I created about you they now believe what I lied and said. I heard bad things about you and I carried the theme on to others. I am sorry.

Does 33 or 333 mean anything to you, Joy?

I am just one of the "good ol' boys"

I am a part of the "good ol' boys" and I am unable to leave it so I will watch you from afar, but I have to make it up to you in this lifetime.

My mother doesn't like you. You intimidate me. You knew so much about me that no one could know.

Sorry for not believing and having Faith in you but your strength scared and intimidated me.

I lied about you.

I wish I could overcome fear like I see you do.

My immaturity is based on a woman I allowed near me and her dark toxicity.

I betrayed you.

I saw people lie about you and I went along with it and even encouraged it in hopes to forget you but I know I need to fix this in this lifetime.

Sorry about Carol but I am unable to help on that even though I said I would.

I lied to you and about you.

I walked away based on others opinions and you intimidate me by your courage and gifts. You knew things about me that scared me that no one could know.

I found someone I was hoping to marry but I knew she was Spiritually out in the cold, she is not you.

Late nights I feel like a monster. I can't get songs out of my head. You looked up to me and you only showed kindness. I blame the substance and people but I know I gotta fix this in this lifetime.

What have I done

What have I become

I don't want to look at what I have done

I had to stay high to numb things and to create distractions and illusions. I made shit up and late nights it haunts me for doing that to you.

I know you came to my life for a higher purpose and I did not see that at the time. Can we start over? Fresh start?

My traditional beliefs made me think we were from different worlds but I see we are not...

I am heartbroken

I am 😡 mad when I see what you ✍️ write online but really, I know I lied but I didn't need the world to see how empty my 🍵 cup is/was...I feel your prayers for me and the people around me, Joy.

I feel you help me get to calmer waters.

I am in love with your energy, not you, because you never give up. Ok. You always keep going forward no matter what comes your way.

I feel like you are a healer for my life and for the land.

I judged you because you are married and I did not take the time to know you, but I have been watching you and I see you meeting your goals and I love what I see.

I don't want to be how I was to you, how can we fix this. You trigger me.

I wish I could be a different person for you.

I want to take action towards you but I am in chaos and I don't want you to see me like this. (Ego)

I am trying to visit you in dream state

You mean everything to me


I don't love my life right now and I feel you are the only one who understands me. I am jealous of your connection to God.

I feel we left things unresolved. I need to make it up to you in this lifetime.

I care about your family and since I don't know how to process this all - I stay away.

People I trusted lied about you and I trusted them. I based our knowing on someone I trusted and now I want to know you- will you? Will you get to know me once again?

I envy you...

I think about all the things you showed me, and I know now it was pure but back then I was in my head.

Someone I know ... I know they set this up to fail. They lied to me.

What's your new number? Am I blocked? Can you unblock me?

I know you are protected. I was there when someone attempted something on you.

I wish I could change things.

I am upset you put documents on the fire on this blog, we thought we could do what we did for decades. You forced us to narrate bad stuff about you to others. We know your good, but we cannot have someone bringing attention to us.

You shook us up and you do not even know us. We had to adjust things because of what you stand for. You are intimidating.

I realize the toxicity and mental imbalance and my pressures for the dollars. I need to break away. I am tired of the negotiation, begging, bargaining, manipulations, and this Valentine's I am thinking of all the kind stuff you do for all. I want that serenity. I am sorry your efforts are being avoided too wrapped up in my hell.

I want you to know I have sleepless nights. I feel your back is turned but I feel you understand me. I am praying and I feel I am being held back.

I have been fake with the public about my personal life. My whole relationship has been to make people think we have the perfect relationship. Joy, I know you see it. Help me get out of it. I am losing my mind over the pressure both personally and professionally.


I had all that happen in dream state all week. Over and over messages. Not much of it matches to my daily lifestyle currently so maybe someone out there wants me to be more open to incoming but not in 2023 is my current way of thinking.

Actually, I know me... I like my life ... my family makes sure I get to my medical appointments, and I am so grateful for Dr Nelson and their team... I like my ladies' group ... I like my times with THR and RR. THR and RR make me very happy. I know they are an extension to my family life here and I really am blessed they entered my life even though my pop's knew their family decades ago...nice times. Genuine people.

I ain't looking for new adventures...I am enjoying all my days healing up.

Actually, in recent times I like my times so much that anything new coming in has to be God's plan

because I am happy as it is ...

until I pass on, if my life stayed like it is with improving my health than I can feel / see happiness and that's cool.

I know right now I have much joy and laughter to my life.

That's enough for me.


Here was the location to my seizure and I was taking a photo of people who have passed on, but this is what came back on my camera and metadata...the things I saw did not capture to digital...just red:

was a very odd hour getting back to RD 62/Date Creek Rd.

beautiful day:

the rock wall:

some say it is a "goat/sheep" wall and I am like ??? ok? ok!

the sky got darker around 12:38pm then I saw what I saw the hour before - the deceased people covered in ash/soot---took pic and it was red again

almost a hour later--- saw the deceased again---and took pic--- got same red image...but this time I am covered in ash/soot ????? CRW, did you see what happened to me --- thought of you.

must be prickly pear ash or desert paint ??? It didn't make sense

and told to look at my old June 30, 2013, photo and videos over by the old grader area as well as look at the ash area--- I feel and this will sound odd but I have a witness that said to me I had soot / ash on me and I know I was in seizure moment but I recollect the events as if it was the moments when Sonny and I retraced our steps after the fire --- I will attach those photos below after this but they said there is still evidence out there ... which is odd because our trails from June 30 is now the GMHS Memorial Trail ... did I "time travel" to an actual spot for me to gain better health to go check it out?

and then after red image this photo was too bright like washed out but so was the real time, it was a bright light ---as it went from skies fine to dark to then red image then this burst of light...weird moment.

the injury happened to both legs- flesh scratches to the left and physical injury on both feet and ankles and calves.

much love to the birds:

-The old grader that weekend area and the YHF13' aftermath pics of Sonny/I that I mentioned above:

the ash pics after YHF13':

this is how it looked like weather-wise June 30, 2013, with the weather visible out in the distance:

found more ash pics:

"speak up"- this song keeps coming to my mind since the Fall 2022: