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  • Writer's pictureJOY A COLLURA

End of Spring 2023- Summer Journal 2023

My journals are my thoughts, life activities, etc....and at times records placed in here. I write the journal with the only thought it is my journal to time stamp my life --- I refrain from thinking others even pay attention to it but maybe my mother and brothers. If anyone else does, I am not thinking or caring if I made typos or errors or grammar is off...it is my chill space...


May 15, 2023: HEAD PAINS...ugh...dealing with bilateral ear infection again...with MRI results reporting today left side mastoid air effusion :




Ladies Group 5-13-23...Toni's coconut cake, Mary's cereal cookies and my Mom's Day cookies from EuroBakery:

This week, someone told me his assessment of why Summer 2021 unfolded as it did.


For the record, I have known and been with John since 1988.


There is not a soul in this world that can say I, JOY A COLLURA, ever tried to pursue to know any another man or woman or any gender, in any way, that has been told and rumored like I had heard after YHF13' (such trash gossip) ...especially what John N MacLean did.


The only fact I can give you though --- I was born at St. Joe's in Phoenix and lived near Van Buren Street so I know what street life looked like ... I can tell you I am a "ham" behind the camera ... but not the misperceptions that were fed out to others ... that is purely other folks toxicity(ies).


and when I helped my brother, mother, family/friends even Scottie Briggs with ailments/pains over time- I just want to help if I can ---


I look at people "chill-like" ---


and so, to answer someone recently asking - when I went two years ago (Summer 2021) after a serious brain detox diet (Feb 2021 through July 2021)


and I was unhealthy - still am ...


a few days after being at Scottie Brigg's on 7-17-21 - where Scott set me up at Facebook (FB) - just to prove I could have one not tied to Fred's like the Yarnell Hill Fire Revelations Facebook which is tied to Fred's FB account


and when I had that chill kick ass lengthy call with someone near my age for THAT long - that has not happened to my life at that point which has been lived over fifty years.


since...one time on 9-22-21, due to FB and the YHFR revelations, I had a long talk with CA dozer guy and my father use to hang out on Date Creek Rd so those folks I have had lengthy talks with Autumn 2022. Other than that--- I really have not spoken much since my A-list celeb/Govt phase to life and that to me, was just networking...


and I even involved dozer guy to speak with FJS, DH, and SB-


I was unwell and needed those guys to help me because I really did not have the energy to sponge much ...


and ended up having 3 seizures into unconscious state that week.


By 10-5-21, I wanted answers like immediately why I was on a path to healing until that Summer 2021 visit then I was fading, and I was frustrated as all hell and even was hurting emotionally because why did Scott get to know the folks, but I was out? That made zero sense. How come he was treated with respect but me, ??? ghosted. ???? Reckon, God was protecting me I kept telling myself.


However, I pondered time to time...I am just like Scott, so why was I treated differently? right. Thought we all were on same path - same goals ...


Why would Scott still want to be around them knowing my hurts went through my head after he came to my plate to be there for me at all times his own words yet I did not speak much to him in 2021/2022/2023 when the whole WFF began; "we shifted"... I know it was because much time and etc was placed that way, so I just let it go and moved forward ... my journals prove I was kind and caring their way...I gave so much ...I can even prove the moment the cops were called, I was even calm that moment which was not too long after being brutally assaulted. I have always been good their way yet not understanding how I was treated ???


I mean how come it came off like I was treated like all of a sudden, all the time I knew John these decades then after this fire I got dumped into this weird rumor of I was in some kind of "open"/arranged marriage (???) (hmmm) (Whomever started that lie- shame on you- hope it does not core back the poor manners of John N McLean at that Smokejumper's conference and that silly phase of his...)


---when I was very clear, I will never be nor never have that way of life- I told you that straight to your face in person that evening by your truck as you smoked. I mean, I talk time to time to old elementary/junior high/high school/college pals that were near my age but my life was always elders and kids; none near my age ---


it was so cool and never in my life did I think 72 hours would I have experienced life like I saw --- it was the best and worst moment meeting you, sir. Maybe, in 20 plus years from now I will have those chicken wings you unsuccessfully committed to [why even place hope there - I am eating steak nowadays and dropped the pipe vision of chicken wings- but I know God has my plan so that's why]... plus I really enjoy my visits with R.R. --- he has been kind and consistent.


but now I am trying to accept I have decades of diagnostic and a strange medical system to properly handle it. I with intent pray for miracles and I am just healed when I awake one day ...My hubby retires soon and we have the next eight months booked with medical appointments.


Nice start to his retirement ... not .. so reason I have "hope" in miracles...


I hope I explained the mystery or the false allegations or the whispers of others ill perceptions. If there is any person(s) who wants me to explain any phase to my life - "just ask" versus gossiping out lies and omissions ... if your intent was to cause those lies ... or pains and hurts ...


I know I am covered, because "God is watching us all"


These group of people who are obsessively watching me {analytics show} ---I know I am famous to put songs into peoples' minds so this is for you all and my gifts are pure and spot on and so all that energy you spend my way ... spend it knowing Jesus:


My gift was told to me that it chills one to the bone because I am so accurate. I am not into this to "expose" folks just gathering documents to see why I almost died 6-30-13, but 19 did die and we lost so many people after the fire and Sonny and myself - our health is a chronic one; awaiting miracles.


I speak T R U T H.


It can be, some want to silence me, because it intimidates them and others.

It is time for some to sit down and know I rebuke the bad external crap one tries to give me.

Why do you think this journal began because the world needs to see ... "who" would do this to one of God's children?


My abilities are God-breathed.


I own my life actions and share them here publicly... both the good and bad moments.


The mislabels I have seen over time ... I say look at the person and their morals, ethics and values - do a background on them or me; both - take time out to stop laying it all my way. Seems people fail to see I know my worth and value. I am His. Too many enjoy being stuck to their pasts. Life is about taking charge and growing closer to my relationship to Jesus.


I am a "roots" and "foundation" kinda gal :)

I am happy by all areas God showed me; good and bad - I get it as I reflect back...

One of the most interesting memories was the happiness I saw the past few seasons before that seizure where it slowed me down a few months back. Nice to have that back to my life; joy. Thank you to RR, Tammy, Shirley, Roxie, Toni, Lou, Martie, Mary, Margaret, and Kas for all you do / done for me...


Happy Anniversary Johnny...35 years knowing another...32 years dating...30 years married, and I pray for many more ... and no, I am not open to external knowing of what was rumored out there from ill folks the past decade ... I just want to "get well" ... wanna do events with the folks I have been the past few seasons...here is us on our wedding day:















for Johnny:

I even had my husband's first girlfriend/fiancée's family at my wedding...Paul...and I never thought will John and Lisa end up together...guess I am way too realistic about life---Paul's reaction:

We are just authentic / real people living real lives, and I am sorry my isolated allowance created an illusion for ya or any person(s), sir, on who you thought I was--- you were far from wrong. I am very appreciative my life was shown that life lesson so I can understand some areas I never knew, and I needed that. Every person I have met gave me incredible informative life lessons.


As I explain to family and friends- that first 24 hours I saw from you -- that was authentic too. The rest was people in your ears and the toxins began not on my end though- I kept giving and caring until ______...sorry, maybe someday you will want to learn to build roots to a friendship.


My life will always be Johnny "forever and beyond "... and time to time ... due to new schedule of medical appointments I will eat steak with RR (kick ass personality and always happy moments) and visit with his family. I know for me that last conference was my last time I would be in a vehicle with Fred. Really, with anyone for a long bit. My ladies group is important to me.


It was a lot for me- that incident. I don't think Fred even gets how it affected me because he loves to use those words - "you allow" so the man lacks empathy at times. I hired a lawyer to handle the details because at first, I was listening to insurance folks that did not comprehend how serious that event was 4-10-23. I needed to make sure it had a professional look over and someone who would help me make sure the medical area was paid for.


I usually ignore incoming topics like this,


but in case one of your fans / followers are reading my post out of curiosity / stalking way / however / whatever --- then just letting you know I know, and


I focus on the positive ---


and sorry you are unhappy with your life and circumstances. I realize life has un-nice folks and bullies.


I am nothing like what was projected especially by you... sorry that others are lost ... I am not. I own and speak on areas that happen to my life. Some people have to resort to that low vibe stuff. It is a choice though.


I know some areas to my life will be explained to me when I see God --- some Fred told me years ago was Spiritual Warfare and "stay the course" and he is also right ... we are free and we have a choice what we "allow" in our space and time.


Remember, I am the opposite of those low vibe people who trash talk me so you can fact check and verify the words that were muttered your way about me.


There are so many beautiful people out in the world.


I believe and have faith God is my number one, then my family/hubby/home/pets are my number two and lately I have not been able to go past that too much but "show up" to medical appointments and also with RR and his family/ Ladies group and lately since seizures and major collision I barely show up there like I did in other seasons...had Sonny stop by a few times...my hubby and me visited Scottie Briggs and we saw Roger F. and saw Fred for that 4-10 week Wildland Fire Safety Summit but really laying low in 2023...


oh, Sonny had a man from NM reach me to get to him to buy one of his properties...


Even as heavy as I am ... and I do the work to be fit and healthy ... but even where I am at now --- I know some take my confidence as I am cocky --- in reality I have a very high confidence level and

I know my value. I have been told this year, how I stick out from the crowds. I beat to my own drum and do not look to belong to anything ... and that drives others batty... not my deal.


If a stranger from NM can reach me to reach Sonny, then I do not want to hear I am unreachable. Just saying. It's your cell or email issues ---


I do my best to think of my actions like what if the rapture happened right now ... this second ...


is my actions going to keep me here or ascend ... ??? ... I do not prey ... I pray ...


I do not chase ... I chill ...


so, I have reacted to life options very minimal to my life.


I really am a homebody or hike or medical/massage appointments. That sums me up. I help children and elders all my life.


All people are welcome to reach out to me. Approach me...even if they broke the trust.


I let God guide it all.


I rise above the bullshit.


I have had some people who badly trashed me, who we are building new friendships over time. I am about building solid roots and foundations for knowing a person; long term. I always let you know energy-wise and health-wise where our knowing stands and I have a specific person who is many generations in fire tell me by me doing that even though that person was a part of the bashing of me- it helps that person to heal.


We all should behave as if the rapture is here ... if we do that then if it happens, we all will meet again then.

 


May 14, 2023 Mother's Day: Spaghetti Dinner with garlic bread and Quad - dominoes stopped at a tie at 499 between Lou and me--- no exercise this weekend.







"healing"...with much bodily crystallization drainage...very painful too:

you can see I am in pain--- my eyes usually tell the story...


my 333s...1111 in the house :)

























walking the London Bridge - Channel -













violently vomiting since 5-18-23 11:13pm that took me down bad for way too many hours:


hours later...look how the blanket color matches my hazel eye color..cool:

I still get my wildfire alerts:



 

I told them in 2022 I am not in any presentations yet keep getting emails...????:


 


 



 

 

going through emails:



I would like to get this some day... email came in today.


 




 



https://youtube.com/shorts/wkMvgUL7nME?feature=share

 

I am organizing my medical papers and watching:






 

Hubby doesn't wanna go.

I asked my brother- no reply.

I asked RR and he is reluctant.

if I won tickets, my gut thinks Donut and his kid should be the ones to go ...

we will see.






 


 











 

too many vomiting moments hurting my ribs now.


 

Thursday 5-18-23 11:13pm for many hours I violently vomited and today is 5-21-23 6:48am and my ribs still hurt bad and my breathing is affected--- feels like pneumonia.

 

https://www.azfamily.com/2023/05/27/yavapai-county-judge-accused-extreme-dui-takes-plea-deal/




draining all over a golden liquid:


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