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  • Writer's pictureJOY A COLLURA

Are you truly doing it justice to stand firm in TRUTH(s)? It takes doing the difficult right thing.

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April 28th, 2021 -

My Message to the World:

I have removed myself fully from the Yarnell land endeavor

Unsure if it is just for now or for good.

My health will not hold up in the fact I know the land was for all of us to be a place of healings but others are causing harm - I can feel it and I am hearing the rumors.

I am unwell but something tells me I need to quickly pull the Public Records.

Some folks are trying to twist it to meet their agenda(s)

I am too weak to engage and truly too hurt by the Maria Luisa news and I ask why I was told when I was so ill and the whisper meetings vs being straight to the people you talked back channel about- that is unhealthy.

Maybe that will help rumors to cease as well me dropping out.

I still can assist on security / signs later on

I am still pulling the records though-

fact check and verify.

One of the landowners wants to do the difficult right thing. I thank you for that. I support him and the ADA area. I stated last Thursday to make sure you start with your land and at your expense and make your land ADA compliant and Fire-Wise Example first. Be the example. Take it slow.

I will not support people who hear I am targeted and then they hide even from me- Why even tell me? It all seem too orchestrated as "ways out" - Then simply go into hiding. What are you afraid of?

I am unafraid.

I know I want to keep this in chronological order but let me say I am agitated with Frances Lechner this hour. Go watch the video.( ) Freaking, really. All those volunteer hours you put in, Frances, the GMHS loved ones you have met and you dare say this image below is Grant Quinn McKee. ??? Ugh. Lady, you are ridiculous. And then people will say it was an honest error Joy. Lighten up. I am done lightening up for people who get possibly millions of dollars for a cause that does not address the important points of ADA- physical access not some video / Family of the Men / Locals and their need or how about know the proper names to the faces when speaking publicly- right--- ??? !!! Come on, Frances. Really...


April 2021 has been the most off the wall month.

It did begin on a good note.

My medical massage was contractually paid for three events and those are so instrumental to my healing. I wish I lived near to Dee and April though. I left the massage and went to help a friend the day before her surgery- to be present throughout the evening to help her to normal everyday moments. Showered and off to her surgery she went. I cancelled this Friday's scheduled appointment because I was only sent for three appointments not four. I learned that on the last visit. Let the other person know. Contractual payment never arrived- appx seven weeks; was it ??? It is what it is. Let's go look at this month and figure together - when and where and why the insidious rumors were targeted at me...

April 2nd 6:14am, "Do you think it is too soon?" the 21 year old said and after the news I just heard appx 12 hours earlier of how she finally admitted that she was pregnant. Even those days earlier she was claiming it could never be. I got harped on harshly March 28th so roughly too for what I said was truth and then days later the lie is shown and zero apologies from both people involved. (side note: the 21 yr. old later admitted she knew she was pregnant when I said it so she not only allowed the harshness my way- she just sat there and did this act)

"Do you think it is too soon?" - hmmm...I replied to the kid thinking she meant breakfast so early in the morning but she stated "I want to have a boy from Prescott sleep over tonight." and she said much more stuff that floored me and in that I quickly drew up a Declaration for someone in case my health shifted.

She went on to explain that her mother was suppose to also sleep over. I replied it is none of my concern. She is a grown adult. The only interest I have is I was asked to sleep the entire weekend there so I said does BLANK (property owner) know and she said no and not to tell her. Well, I made the decision and I texted one of the family and said due to the lies and deceptions of this young lady I will not enable nor finish the weekend task at hand- it is theirs to handle. I left.

That was one of my 'barter - trade' areas as well as a long time dear friend so it was not an easy decision. Yet, I am about integrity and being accountable for our flaws and mistakes and owning what you do each day. That is me. I refuse to enable anyone comfortable living the lies and deception lifestyle. I also will call out any person friend or not if you try to be less than transparent and using "agendas - projects - job roles" as your reason to 'wait for the dust to settle'-

I refuse to be disingenuous.

Meanwhile, Parcel next to the Boulder Springs Ranch / Helms was purchased/closed superfast. It is little over a half mile from the State Park. One of the owners, with excitement, because I, Joy A Collura, am the only human being who has hiked that State Park the most and I hear the needs...this meant that possibly we could reach State Park ADA folks and partner up to give a true solution to the ADA concerns as well as the GMHS loved ones and some locals who never took the hike because it is too arduous and want to go out there.

I do not know HOW yet I got pulled into the local gossip on this matter in such a dangerous and exaggerated fashion except a few have named the Helms and two neighboring areas as the root cause so I requested the Public Records and Freedom of Information (FOAIs). We will see. You can see I was doing other stuff in life - nothing to do with Yarnell. Yet, I got pulled in. ??????????

Now, Lee- did you begin the stir? I know it was not me. Or was it your wife? We will find out in due time with the PRRs. I am publicly telling my story as you shadily tell yours. You were kind to me 4-11-21 and all prior times we ever met and I gave you all our contact information.

You were the one using Government Officials to meet some need of yours. I never got your call or email. You are the one refraining to be direct neighbor to neighbor. Your family is the one making this exaggerated- I am just speaking TRUTHS and SPEAKING OUT.

I get you are bummed that for decades you had a private area just for yourself. I get it. Right now, my area next to me was purchased where I reside. I am right now in the same boat as you. I know the home will be built. That noise. The not knowing. However, we were direct to you and we gave you are stuff to reach us. You did not reach us. You talking to the new - to - the - area folks got them in a stir not me. I am here to publicly let those people know they were lied to and show them the documents and such. Plus, this cockamamie story circulating through town I just want my fifteen minutes of fame and to be on TV. That shit is getting old. That sounds like a specific widow of the GMHS there. The other beauty that floors me- the rumor about Witchcraft - Radicals- Ouija Boards - Seances. That just cracks me and so many people up. When a local said that at a local public area on Highway 89 is where they heard it...That there sounds like a mother to one of the Fallen.

Enough is enough. It is really time to stop your bullshit who are doing that.

Let me share something to you all. I am the "sponge" since June 30, 2013 to listen to the First Hand Firefighters on the Yarnell Hill Fire that specific people have silenced them (and I am sure when the PRRs come back we will see they may possibly be tied to this whole ordeal) and they have severe PTSD these First Hand Firefighters especially the days when they read this stuff:

You want to inspire people - than let the First Hand Firefighters finally tell their stories fully. Stop threatening their jobs and hushing them and us up. That has been so many of our realities in regards to the Yarnell Hill Fire. When will it stop?

Here is the land that was purchased which is a little over a half mile away:

I was hiking the Weaver Mountains filming a piece for Big Brother Season 23 tv show April 5th, 2021 in the light snow- I was showing how I walk sometimes the skirts of the highway coming down Yarnell, Arizona. There is a process to the show and I was doing what was required of me by the producers and casting folks. I was doing what I normally do- "desert walk"... Arizona Desert Walker.

Then a car stops- it is a Real Estate agent and two people I know. They asked me to jump in and see what they just closed on- this land. (photo above)

When we walked it with Kevin, something did not add up. I said to them I will print up the maps but I think Kevin is wrong- you don't own up to the electric box area.

I felt the State Park Ranger would need to see this land. Stopped by parking lot on way home. We know another from my hikes on the hill. He even passed me that day I was filming in the snow. I felt he could be an asset because he can gain the Mission Statement and help bridge the ADA stuff or be a mole for the State Parks to get intel data at least he would know what is happening. He wanted nothing to do with the ADA topic. Foreign area. He felt passionate to help the cause when he saw Tom and Jenn Ashcraft were a part of this path and another fallen father Grant Scott McKee showed outside support.

I had an urgent procedure (9:04-11:02) on April 6th-

Went to the Wild Thaiger and was suppose to meet up with another yet he forgot about me. Wasted day of waiting - yet did do manicure. Everything I say I can show Law Enforcement and Government Officials because it is on my Google Timeline.

Just like the June 30, 2013 is on GOOGLE TIMELINE for anyone who was there for the Yarnell Hill Fire- just saying. Right. Many Playstore Apps can show your locations not just Google.

Have to get that in there. Time is of the essence on a post I did on this.

Plus moments before my EKG yesterday I was reached by another first hand YHF FF- learning there is still evidence. Wow.

Keep the faith, my friend. Just know through your cancer- I am here for you freely- call me or reach me and I will come over in a heart beat. I know what it it like to have support and as well not have it.

I just do not have the funds to meet my current medical needs. Asked people to help and nothing came of that post:

I am not a "taker" ( I am a giver) yet for too many years the medical category and the gathering of data wiped us financially so for awhile now I have bee on the receiving end. I have tried to get a local job but due to my known seizures / up and down health, I am a liability they tell me during the interviews. That was when I began looking for "at home" jobs for companies.

Meanwhile, locals would say if you help me do this, I will pay direct your medical situation so no funds exchanged. However, I had to remove myself from that area because I was not going to enable the comfort level of the lies and deceptions. [SM] So no income relying on prayer and God's Will.

So here I stood scratching my head how was I gonna "earn" $5,700 to do this ENT stuff said I need to do. That was why I posted it. I did my long process of the psychiatric evaluation on 4-6-21 and I posted the results on Facebook. I do not do GO FUND ME nor understand that area. Figured my family would have donated. Maybe they did not read it. I never asked directly to them. Point being- Nothing. Then I am asked to go 4-11-21 to the property. I bring my photos to show 'boundary lines' and we try to park best we can so people can pass- Kids are with us - Golf cart is parked here:

Lee comes walking down the dirt knoll path. We all witnessed a very anxious person approach and could even be perceived as "aggressive" - I am the original spokesperson- had the maps and such in hand- I am sharing and introducing not only the new land owners but some on board to do real good healing things- a foundation that was in 'brain storm' mode. Helms stated he did not have a rifle and expressed his wife did. I explained he did not have to have any anxiety. This is us. It is what it is now and we move forward on a positive note. He explained he had emails we planned to develop and go through his land to the DZ and he does not permit it nor do the Wassons. I said to Lee that sounds like Willis and explained the excitement of the owner of the land. I said he is the longest running boss - Superintendent in Forest Service when he retired and he was close at one time to Willis so the owner did share prematurely his excitement to people in the Hotshot Community- Willis included. This owner always liked how much I cared for the people and their needs. He is looking at it that this land can help partner and bring a solution to those needs. I saw Lee go from a huff puff moment to a very soft interactive person. I felt it was going well. Lee expressed the trespassing concerns he has had. I showed him the receipt I spent almost $700 on legal signs to create boundaries and liabilities as signage - security was my assigned role.

Here are a few of the styles below:

I explained to him what the intents were to first see what wildlife is currently out there since it has been vacant and for so long. I am huge on making sure I refrain from disturbing the land without proper data to make proper assessments then Lee mentioned the midnight trespassers then even a Law Enforcement person just jumps over thinking he can because he wears a badge- I showed him the sign we got that will stop that. Both owners engaged and spoke personal topics. The Ashcrafts as well spoke. I teared up when Tom spoke because it was so authentic and beautiful. Lee also stated about how he was going to leave the electric fence where it is now that we talked. We explained we plan to build a new way in so that gate is left less travelled in due time- I left there to a neighbor with one of the children after Lee walked away and all was fine. I have neighboring witnesses. So believe you me, this past week blew me away when it kept being cored to the Helms. So Scottie Briggs says "let's roll to Sedona" - Scottie gets me 4-13-21 at 11:31am. We go do my labs ( My RDW (sd) Low, Alk Phos Isoenzyme Bone Fraction High, Chol this day was 219 and I took it 4-26-21 and it dropped to 205, My Triglycerides was 207 High then yesterday it was 145 normal, High LDL was 146 and now 140, Vit D 25.1 low but higher than last visit, RDW (sd) Low, Apolipoprotein A1 Low, Apolipoprotein B High, Apolipoprotein High, ADMAHigh, OmegaCheck better now and was not last time, Cardio IQ Oxidized LDL High) eat, see CC, go see the best ever Abby Zettle, go to Eldorado Park (Scottsdale Skate Park) 513pm-632pm, Flower Child (7:22-8:05), then crash- saw some of the footage first. Then to the odd journey of Sedona...

There is an Arizona man who was on these teams (Chicago White Sox/Baltimore Orioles/Cincinnati Reds/Chicago Cubs)- if you ever need me as an eye-witness to your personal not professional situation. Reach me. In April, I was eye witness to someone you know that when you look this up:

there should be her name and photo... yet, what do you expect... her initials to her name is DAMN.

Now that I made sure I did my due diligence for that baseball player, let's get back to it. Was not a tangent. If you knew more behind the back story. It had to be public in some way. Best spot to fit it


Anyways, I was pacified by her friend who was my friend since 2019 that it was his fault he claims for placing the "expectation" out there to this person. What he fails to "get" - she was texting and coaxing me up until the event and even throughout this 'supposed' healing adventure - aka - bogus hideout with the b and b folks moments. Best part of it all was my time spent with Keenan and Gardner Cole . It is her own doing. I never was apologized to- yet she seems to be comfortably okay with openly communicating to him with knowing what she did to me - ??? since that moment... Odd. Even odder he even engages on that area - when I heard about it this past Sunday night, it was severed. Really. It felt like he purposely did it to with his agitated tone he claimed was aimed for another but why give an ill person that tone ??? Even after all the nice moments we have shared. He destroyed me by his actions. Never once thought is Joy well enough to hear this? Is my agitated tone affecting her health? And the fact that he is okay with what he did which nearly killed me; his actions. Reason he is out of my life. That is not drama. That is real life stuff. He was not the only one that did that last week. I will show you down below his last text- he really feels I am "off" and it is my accountability for the factions he rooted since Friday- Really? The funny part about all this - these folks kept saying they want transparency - well, here it is. Yet for some weird reason I am sure they have their own definition of being transparent.

Wow, no accountability for talking behind his partners backs trying to create division in it too just because we strongly believe in the ADA topic me and another. You shut us off and talk to others about us and the topic? They say wait - give it time. Tell the people "this" vs "that"- I do not roll that way. I go in and say it like it is gonna happen. The true intentions. You know there was never any talk of lawsuits like one perceived and emailed tonight. It was simply one asking legal questions after what Lee said on land stuff. Fact check and verify. Your email carried no weight in my way of thinking - ma'am - nor would I ever reply to it for you were the other factor in all this side talk crap and hiding and not being forthcoming. I do not need people who roll that way either to my life.

Wow. He pulled others aside and faction for his own protection / agenda. Protect what? If you speak in truth and transparency- what is there to have a concern about if you stand firm in the Lord and what He wants- His Purpose- not your own. He had no troubles being upfront to me on Maria Luisa- I am left very hurt - it has taken my health down even more that my immediate people are okay and comfortable with doing such. The one lady tells me Tuesday, April 27, 2021 7:54 PM they are out because they do not want their names to be tied into the external 'gossip' and this trouble that external areas created. Yeah, one widow is thinking she wins ... Joy is out for her health and two others because of the mess and gossip...Yeah! Yet, There is no winners. Just a mess someone did and hopefully the records will get us to the root of the problem of who did this-

Lee Helm sharing as he has and the people coming to me to alert me is a "red flag" and yet Lee feels I, JOY A COLLURA, is stirring stuff up and I had nothing to do with the purchase and all I did was go and bridge the new owners to the people and I am dealing with serious health issues. Yet again, I always seem to be someone's "fall guy" ????

Lee is making that up what you are hearing folks. Yet, when I heard all the activities then and ONLY then I pulled Public Records and FOIAs based on content of very exaggerated dangerous content targeting me.

So last week and this week was / is the OMNA Staff Rides for Yarnell-

if you seen unusual vehicle / people activities- that is probably why or Lee's new mission to involve Government Officials.


Thank you locals for "paying attention" and documenting and reporting to me because I am unwell. One of the owners and I had planned to do signs last Thursday and Friday on the property.

I hear from locals that "__" are leaving the Shrine so I know Maria Luisa has her health battles to so I print up an email On Sunday, April 18, 2021 10:15 AM I did and snail mailed her - here is my BIGGEST hurt in this ALL. I am deeply hurt. Who did this? This was my hugest "red flag" that the email below ended up in the wrong peoples hands (high officials) with my personal data not ever been made public and no call or email from Maria Luisa. Something got twisted. Whoah! That was like WHAT??? Something just ain't adding up. Here I am kindly helping while ill trying to bridge new owners to neighboring ones and this is what I am seeing. ????

see the email with private numbers and such redacted:

However, 4-20-21, I begged my husband to get me to Banner ER even though he works and I would let my immediate supposedly friend know and possibly can get me so he does not have to take off work. Once we passed the Arby's/Gas Station, I called Wickenburg Hospital and asked if the Helicopter was present because I could not take the drive to Banner. The pain on the right side of my head to middle of nose is immeasurable and immense.

4-20-21 14:50 I was discharged with on the papers stating trauma - no treatment to resistant head pain with localized right otitis externa - frontal leptomeningeal meningioma. Yes, good. The brain scan shows the area I have the pain. Duh. Time to band-aid it. ??? All percoceted doped up I am released with a pass to the Big Pharma world. Big Pharma world did their own screw up too. Believe you me, I need the meds. The pain killers ran out yesterday. The person who was going to take me to an appt today gave some bullshit that he was relying on the other and that he is busy and even said make it for two weeks later ??? Yet, last Friday he was all like why don't I leave early and just scoop you. Early today, he was emailing what time do I get you today when we spoke yesterday morning and he said to cancel it because he was busy so it was cancelled. ??? This is the people who care about my health? Really? I do not need that.

Anyways, back to the 20th. The Ashcrafts show up- unplanned. They tell my husband they are going to take care of me. My husband thanks them. He goes to work. They take me home to get a few things. I only met them a few times before this moment and I have always distanced myself from GMHS loved ones in -person because I am the sponge to data and it is hard on my health to be around certain people tied to the GMHS.

They take me to their 'healing haven' room:

I am so doped up I do not recollect content yet I know Jenn Winter Ashcraft was there like a home nurse was 24/7 from the 20th until Thursday where the Yarnell landowner scooped me to do the signs on the land. I was woggy. On Wed. night a local dear friend visited me for a long time. I have locals who saw I am unwell. I even had an eyewitness who said to land owner that what they have to share can wait- Joy looks unwell. Landowner proceeds to get data that Law Enforcement presence is in town - might be a setup for trouble - refrain from going out there - Joy is unwell. We go to Ashcrafts and the news is unsettling to all - I am just sick - Conference call was made by landowners- I was there for some but the gist was they all wanted to wait until the dust settled - pause - nothing has been established. I am ill. I awake Friday April 23rd so messed up. Legal Counsel inquiry matters are unfolding. I just want to go home. My cell kept saying 'Emergency Calls Only' and so I let Yarnell landowner know I want to go home. He was busy doing his things. I pack and place items in vehicle and then THE CALL - the one that destroyed me. The other landowner gets wind of Government Officials are involved now on the land stuff- possibly has been escalated to the Governor's office even legislative levels. I am like oh ok- it is just twisted perceptions then the explosion that "broke my heart" and he says Public Civilians / Public Officials have a copy of the email you sent to Maria Luisa. Huh? That is not possible. Maria Luisa never called me or emailed. Plus I snail mailed her. Huh? Then the landowner said better me to tell you vs someone else? Who else? Who else knows that I know that would tell me? What is going on? I wept with such depth and still do- it hurts bad. I don't feel well. Maria Luisa would harm me? What? Who is doing this type of ill intent and harm??? Who???? Please make yourself known. I also did not see the need to hear the news when I just said how ill I was...his hyped up voice was uncalled for...I go and get the other landowner and say let's go - this land is a blessed place ( I am emotionally sad crying and want to leave asap- I do not want my very sad energy on this property) and I don't get why we are here THAT long and talks of getting pie and other stuff and places to go ???

I begged to see a local Prescott friend to let him know and to tell him that his name was brought up at the discussion 4-11-21 and 4-18-21 and both him and I and Grant Scott McKee have zero intentions of being board members yet we will figure a way to title us all in... in the next meetings. However, my friend was on board for his own life stuff and possibly being contracted out if there is a need. We go to eat then Sprouts- calls to other FFs made and stopped at a few locals homes before Congress to show my ER discharge papers because a local Government person was spreading that I am not even ill or have a brain tumor. I wanted the locals to see the discharge papers and where it mentions infection - brain tumor... Rubbish people causing harm to me and having our group crumble over this bogus rumors. Messed up. When I was discharged, the papers says WARNING- further evaluation is necessary. It mentions they just treated the head pain, photophobia, ear pain, chest pain, nausea and vomiting. Abnormal ear exam with purulent discharge to the TM in right ear and TM erythema in left ear. High arterial blood gas PH and a low arterial blood gas pCO2, and a high arterial blood gas pO2., High MCHC, High %Neut, Low, %Lymph, Low %EOS, High #Lymph,High Total Bilirubin,Trace of keytones, CRP too high, Instead of resting when I got home I typed up the Public Records Request and emailed it off to many Agencies ...

I told one of the landowners on Sunday to get grants or to deal with the ADA- it can work or historic easements. There are ways. However, over the weekend the State Parks fella eliminated himself because he felt it was going into a direction and he loves his job, town and family. I wanted to be part in helping ADA trails be more compliant. I should know. I have hiked the people. I am the longest running person to be on the Weavers. That is a fact. I want to help improve and gain access for us folks with disabilities and also for GMHS loved ones who want to not have to report to the Helms and FD and to locals who wanted to do this but cannot do the arduous hike or for Hotshots who are limited on time but want to go quickly out then go to our picnic area and do an after action review. It is very likely the agencies will refrain from fulfilling my PRRs and FOIAs pure and honest because they are afraid of a libel slander suit. I have that gut feel. I just want the truths.

I have zero to hide. I severed myself from helping because one of the landowners has his own agenda that requires being disingenuous and I say you are either all in and transparent or all out.

He wanted the entire ADA topic off the table so that the State fella can stay with us and the Ashcrafts. I refuse to lie to the people. This is my community. They know me. My health is fading rapidly. Funny too, these people who just stated we could have had a possible good friendships yet they hide and vanish when me the person sure could have enjoyed a visit "off the topic of fires or land" - just people doing people stuff...I hope you who we spoke recently who has the insidious cancer know I did my best to get your truths out to the front...but people just don't care...They hide and crumble on the first sign of gossip. I had zero agendas since June 30, 2013 just wanted our truths to be there so those kids knew someone tried to gather all the data why their daddy died.

This is me when someone came to visit with me last night- The pain is off the charts. Reason the photo lacks a smile. Dropping weight quick.

I am a witness that the parameters of the 14+ acres were different than represented by Kevin the local real estate guy on that time I joined in on April 5, 2021. He had us park at the electric box area.

Also I really love and appreciate this local's honesty to me- see:

"Sometimes, when I am reading your posts, I do find it to be difficult to understand fully. It is not unusual that when we write, we accidently leave out necessary content for those that do not know what we are talking about. It can sound somewhat unintelligible. If you ever would like, I could proofread for you and recommend changes that would clear up the message. You could either accept or reject each recommendation.

I wrote the following as a comment on your Facebook post and then decided that I am more valuable to you, at this time, as an anonymous supporter. I can learn more from the community if they do not know my alliance with you and your efforts. If you would like to discuss this, just let me know when you are able to meet. I can come to you.

Standing in your truth can be a very difficult and lonely experience. I hope you are able to stay strong and healthy enough to be thoroughly understood by all. Your work is invaluable and very important for those that wish for the full truth to be learned and honored. I don't have to tell you to stay true because you always do.

Those that speak against you are afraid to learn the truth. It will be painful and shattering to many. The truth must be told no matter who it may hurt...

I really appreciate all your efforts. Thank you"

That was not her first time telling me she can help me with writing.

However, I have shown my health journey with photos and documents and results.

This is me who God made for each phase of my life. I accept I am flawed. I accept my brain tumors and other health limitations cause me to be hard to comprehend for others yet I always keep plugging away. Maybe some day people can treat me like the folks who's legs are amputated and run marathons. I am in this for the long haul- always was. I am not here to fight yet I will stand up and fight for TRUTHS. I am not sure if this is the last post or if will work on the 60 posts. I am not sure about anything.

I have cut myself from the Ashcrafts more so Jenn then Tom- but I am sure in life if it is one - it is both - "couple" lingo to life - let me show you this text of "right..." ??? ...yet Tom has been consistently 100% kind, sincere and compassionate and I feel like he gets me and what I have faced- and never spoke out with words that could be misperceived- he reminds me of Dr. Ted Putnam in that he is mindful and I see that. I almost was not going to write about Jenn because of Tom but then that is not being my authentic self.

down below ...once I saw her question the statement with "right" ???

I was out. I was like where are the strong loving God-fearing people of the world unafraid of others bullshit who can help me in my time of poor health?

What the heck have I done to get a text with "right" ??? ... No way.

I was floored that I was about to be surrounding myself with someone who could type that then put comma "right" and three question marks. I need God-fearing warriors or I rather stand alone with God. I do not even understand someone questioning me like such tied to horseshit like witchcraft and bogus shit like that. ???

See yesterday's group text:

The comical "look back" to this month is I am so done with external bullshit.

I find it "funny as shit" my family and friends and email folks donated to Healing Haven Foundation as it is just a foundation yet I am struggling in this messed up debilitating pains and none donated to my cause on Facebook for real shit going on weeks ago-

Weird world.

Some judge and say I lack tack or whatever it was - heard vengeful - whatever it is- and the best part is as you see my last communications was Monday early a.m. to them and I plan to keep it that way. If you wanted to take a peak in - this was the good thing we all felt passionate to do- to create a healing piece of land that has a direct look at the DZ for all kinds of folks in a booking / appointment type manner avoiding extreme heat and cold times of the year then later work with State Parks to get a booking system and p-line trail out there and have it where we collaborate with another.

Who was I fooling to think that- I am the one who has not yet been allowed on a YHF Staff Ride and I am the eyewitness- pipe dreams on my part.

Here is that meeting notes:

my notes:

the photo below - this is from when my grandma recently died- at the funeral - the ol' Staten Island home of my great grandpa showed up on the digital memory wall- I saw this as it was gonna happen soon in my future and it did- look at the next image of a dream Jenn had and Jenn was not at that funeral and does not know the backstory--- very odd.

Jenn showed this at the meeting:

Jenn's notes:


Now in closing, why is it people can go through life hurting me and if I explain in TRUTHS I am perceived as crass or vengeful? I am just exhausted of the bullshit. I will remove - as soon as it enters - anyone unwilling to be loving and honest and refrain from hiding and being in the shadow using God for their glaze for doing it. God is Light. Stand firm in the Lord. I lost people to my life this past weekend because they felt it was more important to "lay low" and be a coward - when I have never done a lick wrong to deserve these current rumors flying around especially when all I did was be KIND to all and bridge the new neighbors. Denny Foulk (who was on the YHF) down below says it almost perfectly because that is what is happening to me. see:

I look at the rumors and discord as an opportunity to deal with the tensions between the opposing / ignorant / naysayers / ones who intentionally cause harm- thus creating a greater unity between the two diverse communities to come to a better understanding there are those still alive at this moment that can shed light to what happened surrounding these images:

Time to "Speak Up"

I come from from a heart of generosity, which flows from a heart overflowing with gratitude for the salvation won through Christ’s death and resurrection. I can come off strong or too much but I am very frustrated all these years later these specific bunch want to keep riding the lies and deception 'gravy train' be balanced with the Lord you do everything in love yet HOW when people who say they love you - continue to hurt, harm, deny, hide, etc...

Also if people want to check into rumors ... go check on Donut and really make sure he is ok ...there is a heavy rumor flying on him lately ... if people really give a shit on us first hand Yarnell Hill Fire folks ... The Maria Luisa part destroyed my spirit in humanity right now. Does that make you feel good Sir knowing you are the core to that? Are you Jenn feeling good that you made that effort last week and I called you on text on why would someone ask for the things I saw last week- I bet you are unaware how many times you brought "the topic" up but it destroyed me from wanting any help from external areas if when you are getting the help, I see what I had to hear...

Here is my brain health at concentration and rest:

How is yours?

Also people- if the people around you condition you to be "something else" other than what God had for His Purpose just for you- this one is for you:

1 Corinthians 16:13 - New International Version

Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong.

Oh yeah - here is the contact information you asked for yesterday- see:

VALLEY ENT, please send check or call with CC to Michael Maxwell (623) 566-4718 ext 2503 and just let him know you would like to place funds into my medical billing account JOY A COLLURA

[ a local paid this in full direct for me - thank you dearly ]


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